It has been said...
"Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been different."
To forgive & to forget is quite the task. For some of us, forgiving is easy, but forgetting is not. For those of us who find forgiving & forgetting extremely difficult to do, this is for you!
Without giving my life story, I had a period in my life where I could not escape the hell that I was going through, except it be school, church, or a friend so generously inviting me to go somewhere. For the longest time, I sugar-coated my story when people asked "how it was going." But there came a time, in which, I could not hold back anymore. This was a dark time for my family & me. Finding peace & serenity was rare, but when opportunity came knocking, we opened the door & invited it in, so to speak. . . . . Once this nightmare turned reality was taken out of my life & the lives of the people I care about, peace was finally tangible. . . or so it seemed. Now that this "thing" was not something that I dealt with on a daily basis, I found it troublesome to let the horrifying thoughts & memories of its existence disappear from my mind. It almost seemed impossible to let this chapter of hell go. This frustrated me so, to the point where I would cry in my room at night & ask the Lord "Why has thou done this to me? Why has thou allowed my family & I to endure this long & bitter trial? Why God? Oh! Why??" & my almost immediate answer was one simple word, in which I was familiar with. . . "Repentance." I was very angered with this answer because I felt that in no way I needed to repent of anything because I didn't do anything wrong; it was in fact, someone else whom I felt needed to repent of their sins. Why was repentance my answer?
I struggled with this answer time & time again. . . & it occurred to me one day. . . I must repent to the Lord for coming to Him with an angry heart & disrespecting Him the way I did, when I was addressing & asking for help. Now this was a process indeed. . . but one thing that still remained heavy on my heart & in my mind was how to forgive & forget this trial that I had experienced. . . . . After awhile, due to my impatience on an answer to my question, I stopped praying to the Lord & searching the scriptures for help. & with that, I stopped praying & studying the scriptures all together. This caused even greater problems. I felt disconnected from God & His plan for the world & His plan for me. I would sit & cry & get angry in thought. This happened for a long period of time. I heard this quote while watching television: "Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been different." As silly as it may sound, that quote solved everything for me. Things is my mind started to click. One thing lead to another & I found myself on my knees, thanking the Lord. I no longer had flashbacks of the hell I once I had to embrace. I no longer felt opposition toward the many events or people that made the situation unbearable. So, in a sense, all my prayers were answered & everything was hunky dory, right?! WRONG!
Even though my prayers had been answered & I finally could forgive & forget the necessary things... I realized that I needed to repair my relationship with my Father in Heaven. I abandoned Him. I left Him when I felt like He was of no use to me. I left Him when I needed Him the most. I abandoned THE greatest person & the most powerful person. I left the person who loved me the most. I dismissed the person who created me. I dismissed the person who sent His son to earth to rule & to reign, only to have him bare the sins of the world & hanging from a cross, in which he bled & died. The Lord loves all of His children. We are all perfect because He created us. To think of the many time in which I wept because I felt burdened & unappreciated... to think that this is exactly what the Lord feels for each & every single one of His children when they ignore Him, dismiss Him, abandon Him, refuse to believe that He is there... how selfish am I to have wept a single tear of pain!
Repairing my relationship with my Heavenly Father was an ongoing event. But what I have found is that, "repairing" is the wrong word, because there's no limit or maximum with/for the relationship you (can) have with Him. We can only better ourselves so that we may dwell with the righteous. We do not realize, but we need to, that our Heavenly Father's heart becomes heavy & sheds a tear when one of His children is doing wrong. & doing wrong can include not forgiving those who have wronged us.
"...It hath been said...
An eye for an eye & a tooth for a tooth. But I say unto you, that ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also. & if any man shall sue thee at the law & take away thy coat, let him have thy coat also." ~Matthew 5: 38-40
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